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Breakdown!!!!

My husband told me to let it out, to let it go, I'm having a hard time doing that. I state facts and not feelings. He has been though so much. He didn't know if his girls were going to live, and he had me to worry about. Not only seeing his girls rushed out and intubated he had to see me get blood transfusions. And he saw what I thought was having a heart attack. I had had heart issues before, but none like I had in the hospital. The test results were inconclusive. So I guess I have been holding a lot in. Anyway as some of you know, the girls were suppose to come home Tuesday or Wednesday.... not happening. Jordan choked on milk and had 3 A's and B's in a row. Madison had an A (apnea) during her sleep study. Five more days optimistically. Hubby is so good talking to the doctors, he says optimistic but next week maybe and they say yes. I know they don't know... but damn-it why get out hopes up!!!! I know that at the beginning they said due date, which is Sept. 7th... Don't raise my hopes up too soon! They shouldn't even be here yet!I know they are doing tremendously for there situation, but I want them home now!!!!!!

You can not know how traumatic it is to leave the hospital with no baby let alone babies. It kills you inside and its getting to me. My husband is right... we have them on layaway. I'm ready to pay the bill, but they won't take it!

This just sucks!!!!! And I'm mad at the world!!!!!

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