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I have been battling depression since we first found out we were having identical twins with high risk factors. This depression has intensified each crisis moment. One, the first time I went into premature labor with lousy ER service to lastly having two "colicky" high need twins plus two high spirited toddlers, a husband who needs to work for finances, and no time to research and take care of things. I finally got heart medication as needed. Some days I need one pill, some days I need four. I also am diagnosed with postpartum depression and on antidepressants for almost two weeks, but may need to change the format or let it work longer. I'm not in the degree of drowning my kids, but loosing patience and then again don't care if goldfish are crunched all over the floor. Playing in the trash, taking there own diapers off who knows where, or destroying items of value.

I'm a strong willed stubborn woman and finally have come to terms that I'm not superwoman and my southern upbringing is not working. You know, can't have a housekeeper come till the home is clean. I want to raise my children. Trust issues. Alienating friends because I have been pregnant or nursing since 2004 and overwhelmed. Too many issues. Home selling, moving and selling or renting homes, knee dislocation, traumatic miscarriage, my daddy dying. Did I mention spirited children. Also, I found out that we were at stage IV of V on TTTS. Stage V was morbid of one or both. How can I ask friends for help, family for that matter when I have literally dislocated myself from them. I humble myself because I'm at a point that I could seriously send all children away or leave for I think two weeks to regroup. I can't do either. I would certainly go into panic and heart failure not having my children. I think I put a good front on. Telling friends and family that things are well, but the truth is I need help. I am creating a list that we need and have no time for. Please let us know if you can help or any network of family or friends that can help. Even doing internet research or making calls would help. I will start a running post of things accomplished or who is "on" something so we don't have 20 lawn service people showing up or 100 lasagnas on the counter. This post will be labeled crisis information and the list will be labeled Spencer Angels. Mark and I will edit the Spencer Angels as calls, emails, or posts come in. You will be able to find the list on the right side of the page next to photos and updates etc. Anyone who can help will be greatly rewarded in Heaven and someday by us. Those who can't will be found, kidnapped and locked in a room with all four girls two dogs and a cat. Just half kidding - my humor is getting limited. A kind word, card of encouragement, and simple prayers are appreciated too!


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