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Birth Control is for sissies.

There have been several times that I have questioned our judgment. It seems to happen mostly a moments of excessive fatigue. I guess I keep coming back to the fact that we didn't mean to have twins. How could we have known? I think one normal baby we could have handled without too much trouble.

I think that the joy, pain, and stress of all this has filled our emotional reservoirs to the breaking point. That thin imaginary barrier that separates the conscious from the unconscious, the sane from the insane, the emotional side of the brain from the logical, has sprung some leaks. A simple comment about a loved one that has passed, the thought of more trials to come, or the smile of your child can momentarily tear a huge hole in that permeable barrier and the waves of emotion, good and bad, rush into your conscious mind. Sometimes lifting you to the heavens and sometimes dragging you to the depths of an overwhelming depression. Neither last too long because there are plenty of distractions to bring you back to reality. I guess that the point is that the roller coaster ride is not over yet.

I love these little girls and wouldn't change a thing. I just wonder when we will reach a place that we can call "normal."


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