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Small things

I think that it is the small things in life that give us the greatest joy and also the most annoyance. Last night (or this morning) as I was trying to get to sleep I couldn't help but smile as I thought about the day. Specifically I was thinking of Rylee's grin, her excitement, the obvious anticipation that she felt as she was waiting for me to start chasing her. We had been playing the "I'm gonna git ya" game, where she runs, I chase her, and when she is caught she gets a good tickling. I was also thinking of Reagan's smile and those mesmerizing blue eyes. And last night was the first time that I got a real smile from Jordan. Not just a random gas smile, but a reaction to my voice. I think I almost melted. It is the small moments that I treasure. Like when my wife came up behind the couch while I was feeding one of the twins and put her arms around me and her cheek on mine.

It is also the small things that drive me nuts. Toys everywhere, when you trip twice on toys just getting from the bedroom to the kitchen. When you pull off a soiled diaper and reach for a wet wipe only to find that the box is empty. When the dog puts his paws up on the highchair and eats the remains of you kid's dinner even though he knows you are watching. When the kids don't understand that you are trying to accomplish a small task and will be done "in just a minute" so they cling to your legs and scream. When you get all situated with a twin and bottle, ready to feed her and you realize that you forgot the burp cloth across the room, again. I can't tell you how many times I have done that. If you don't have the burp cloth the milk runs down her chin and collects around the neck. I am not sure what chemical reactions occurs under those chubby, double chins, but it doesn't smell nice and it leaves their skin very raw.

Things are much better since Grandmom got here, but we are still a little stressed out. Kari and I have both had back problems for a long time and with the little exercise that we get neither of our backs have improved. So we are both constantly in some degree of pain. From "just a little achy" to "Oooh, I seem to be unable to walk at the moment." We are also still adjusting to the change in our day to day lives that the arrival of the twins has created. We both are constantly feeling guilty. About everything: Not spending enough time with the big girls. Are we pulling our weight in this team effort? Are we asking too much of our family? (But thanks for being here Mom) Also for me (not sure if Kari is experiencing this too) no matter how much sleep I get I still feel tired. I slept for 11 hours today and I still woke up kind of grumpy. I guess that I have a tough time adjusting from total darkness and sleep to the chaos that is our lives at the moment. As soon as I set foot at the bottom of the stairs and the big girls see me there is no rest till they have retired for the evening. Reagan wants "up" and Rylee wants me to chase her. All is well as long as I comply and chase Rylee while holding Reagan, but if I pause to drink coffee or go to the bathroom there is a scream fest. I love that my girls want my attention and I feel guilty that I sometimes would rather just relax for a few minutes.

Kari and I got into a little spat this evening because of this. Well, I don't even know if you could call it a spat. But, Kari was just telling me that she felt like she has been walking on egg shells when I get up, just trying not to do or say anything to upset me. I think I maybe took it the wrong way and got a little bent out of shape. Even when she tried to makeup I didn't do much to help the situation. So now I feel guilty about that too. So I guess that I am using this forum to say "Sorry, Kari. I love you very much and I will try to be a little more agreeable when I get up." I guess the truth is that our lives have been completely disrupted and will never be the same. We have not figured out what normal is going to be yet and all of us have been careful not to step on each others toes. I know that we have put my mother in some uncomfortable situations too and it must be difficult for her. Just imagine coming to someone's home and being expected to jump in and help care for the kids when the parents are on the edge of sanity. (Sorry, Mom if we tried to rope you into our disagreements or made you feel uncomfortable.)

My Mom has really gone to great lengths to ease the stress and make sure that Kari and I get enough rest. I just hope that she is not wearing herself out in the process. I think that once we get a nanny here things might smooth out a little bit. And it looks like we are getting close. Kari has been very thorough in her search. One applicant told her that she had never seen a more detailed job description, "You really know what you want." Since I have been sleeping during the day I have not had much to do with the nanny search and I am glad that my beautiful wife is on top of it. We have several interviews lined up for the next couple of days. This should give me some good material for the blog.


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