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My beautiful wife spent the majority of the day cleaning up the devastation that our spawn have wreaked on our home. Her mood was justifiably off kilter. We literally could no see the floor in the game room upstairs and their rooms were not much better. They can create a mess faster than you can clean it up and we have had a very difficult time convincing them that toys should be put away after being played with.

I went up stairs to help for a few minutes while the kids were playing on the swings. After a few minutes I peeked out the window to check on them. I saw Reagan and Madison flinging handfuls of sand into the air. "That's not good" I thought.

So I went down stairs and outside to find Reagan gleefully dumping handfuls of sand on to Jordan's head and back. All three of them were covered from head to toe in the very fine black grit that is my back yard and shrieking with joy.

"REAGAN... WHAT made you think this was a good idea?" I asked. She flashed me a smile through all that grime, shrugged her shoulders and said, "I don't know..." She glanced down, slowly let the sand run through her fingers, glanced back up with a twinkle in her eye, smiled a little bigger and reached down to scoop up some more. I narrowed my eyes, inhaled through my teeth and let out a big sigh as Reagan dumped the sand down the front of her shirt and patted it.
"Stop...All of you come here right now." They all bounced over and cranked their little necks to look up at me, without an ounce of remorse.

"Do you know that Mom would be ABSOLUTELY furious if she saw you right now? She has been cleaning up your mess ALL day."

"Oh..." They all said in unison.

I figured that if Kari came down at that moment one of two things would happen: A) Her eyes would have gotten really wide. She would have gritted her teeth, raised her right hand in a tightly balled fist with her index finger extended, and then her head would have exploded from the sudden change in blood pressure. Or b) Her jaw would have dropped open for about two seconds while she took in the sight. Then her hands would have balled into fists as she set her teeth and flexed her jaw muscles. Her brow would furrow and we would be burned to a crisp by the laser stink-eye beams that would have shot from her eyes as we tried to flee for our lives.

Neither option sounded good to me. I like my wife and didn't want her head to explode and I didn't want me or my kids to perish in flames.

"Take your clothes off right now." I told them, "Go into my bathroom right now before Mom sees you. DO NOT touch ANYTHING. GO."

"We're naked!" They giggled and skipped off to rub their hands on the bathroom walls while I took their clothes to the laundry room.

I got to the bathroom in time to see Reagan bent over with a hand on each cheek, head on the floor, to give Jordan the best possible view, while Madison wiped her face on the clean towels.

I made some sort of guttural grunting sound. Not really sure where it came from... I turned on the shower and herded them inside.

After a good deal of scrubbing I got most of the sand out of their hair. I toweled them off and sent them to get jammies. I saw Kari walk by as we exited the bathroom and thought I saw her right eyebrow arch up a fraction of an inch, but she said nothing.


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