Thoughts on Postpartum depression:
I don't know much about it. I know that it can range from baby blues to drown your kids in the tub. Fortunately, Kari hasn't had any thoughts like that. (I asked.) But she is having a very difficult time with it. It can be very frustrating for me also. Partly because I can't really relate. It is also frustrating because I can't fix it. There is absolutely nothing I can do to help her through this, other than the normal "be supportive." Which I think I have been. But things that would normally cheer her up, such as our big girls giggling and big group hugs, don't do the trick. And I found out from her today that the harder I try to go the extra mile and take on more of the responsibility, the more guilty she feels for not being able to do it herself. I think that empathy might be better than sympathy. I think she took solace in the fact that the doctor said she is not alone in this and many women get it worse. He told her it is not something to be ashamed of, that it is no different from being diagnosed with diabetes or any other disease.
Its been a long night/day/night. I sent her to bed early last night thinking that some extra sleep couldn't hurt her any. The little ones kept me up all night. That wasn't so bad, I am geared to the back side of the clock now anyway. But Kari was feeling worse this morning so she went back to the doctor and I stayed up with the kids. He changed her prescription and it will be a day or two before we see if it really helps. The new medication however knocked her clean out. She was trying hard to stay up and give me a break but just could not do it.
I have now been awake for 29 hours. I spoke with my brother this evening and he asked "Aren't you afraid that if you fall asleep that you won't wake up if the girls alarms go off?"
Well.... I am now. So I got myself a cup of coffee and a PB&J. I actually feel pretty good at the moment. Although, I am frightened of tomorrow. The best part is that the Calvary is on the way. I spoke to Beckah and she is over her illness and ready to come down to Texas to play. I also called my Mother to whine a little bit. Its good for your soul to talk to Mom. She called me back about ten minutes later and told me that she is dropping everything and flying out tomorrow. I must not have pulled off "stoic." But we sure can use the help and I can't wait to see her.
Other than that there has not been too much drama today. Although, while Reagan was "helping" me feed Madison, she rolled off the bed on to the floor and landed on her head. No harm done, except I think I pulled something in my back trying to catch her. (I am too young to feel this old.) Anyway, I had Reagan crying, then Madison spit up when I set her down and she started crying, then Jordan started crying, then Madison's heart monitor went off. Wow, it sure can be a handful. I can see why Kari might have been getting a little stressed out during the day while I was sleeping.