The Spencer Girls

The latest difficulty has been Rylee's mastery of passive aggression. Example:

All four girls are seated at the kitchen table. I use the term seated very loosely. Rylee sits with her feet up on the chair in a cannonball position. Reagan leans on the table with her elbows supporting most of her weight, and her favorite plush toys snuggled under her chin. Madison is standing, while Jordan kneels. Both are pounding on the table with the palms of their hands and shrieking at the top of their lungs.

Dinner has just been served and there is a moment of quiet while I am dishing up a plate for myself. Rylee pipes up "Water! I want my water right there by Mommy's computer." She is referring to a sippy cup perched on the counter.
"Okay, go get it." I said. I had felt like the proverbial chicken with no head while fixing dinner and minding our loud, whiny spawn. And I was glad that she wanted something that was within her ability to get for herself.
"No. I not going to get it." She said, looking somewhere between hurt and defiant.
"Okay, don't get it." I said, feeling annoyed.
"I want water." She continued.
"I want you to get down and get it. I am not your personal servant." I replied.
She stared at me, not moving. I was really starting to lose my patients.
"Get down... and get your water." I said, a little more forcefully. She complied. She got the cup down and then sat on the floor, moping.
"Now, go get in your chair and eat your dinner, please." I said. She, very slowly, climbed back into her chair, set her cup down, and stuck out her bottom lip.
"Eat your dinner." I siad.
"I'm sad." She said.
I bent down next to her. "I am losing my patients, Rylee. Please don't give me attitude. Okay?" I said. She just looked at me.
After about five more minutes of her sulking I laid down the ultimatum.
"Rylee, if you don't eat your dinner and lose the attitude you are going straight to bed. Do you understand?" I said.
Needless to say, within ten minutes she was in bed screaming her head off.

So I am wondering if we are born with the passive aggressive gene or is this a learned thing? She sure is good at it, which makes me think that it is an innate behavior. But, maybe some of it is learned too. Maybe we have caused it, as parents. She should probably give seminars to soldiers on how to resist when in captivity. I will suggest that to her when she gets a little older.